Michael’s Beef & Sausage Combo — Wet
Perhaps Clint Eastwood’s sleeper Gran Torino was overlooked by the Oscars for non-PC exchanges like this:
Barber Martin: There. You finally look like a human being again. You shouldn’t wait so long between hair cuts, you cheap son of a bitch.
Walt Kowalski: Yeah. I’m surprised you’re still around. I was always hoping you’d die off and they got someone in here that knew what the hell they were doing. Instead, you’re just hanging around like the duop dego you are.
Barber Martin: That’ll be ten bucks, Walt.
Walt Kowalski: Ten bucks? Jesus Christ, Marty. What are you, half Jew or somethin’? You keep raising the damn prices all the time.
Barber Martin: It’s been ten bucks for the last five years, you hard-nosed pollock son of a bitch.
Walt Kowalski: Yeah, well keep the change.
Barber Martin: See you in three weeks, prick.
Walt Kowalski: Not if I see you first, dipshit.
PC or not, though, it has a certain authenticity. And I’ve lived it at Michael’s — just substitute the racial slurs for political rants.
Last time I was in, Michael saw one of his regulars sit down and he emerged from the kitchen to announce to the entire room that Obama was taking our country down the road of Nazi Germany. In between bites, the regular responded that Michael must have heard that from his buddy Rush Limbaugh while he was selling him oxycotin. Another customer across from me got up in disgust, moving to the other end of the restaurant. A lady from behind the counter came out to tell Michael to, “Shut up and go home,” while another customer started going off about how it was Bush who was the Nazi.
There was thumping of chests and busting of balls, but it was all for show. I’d heard about Michael’s rants, but never really seen one. I always assumed that he was a bit of an asshole, but worth putting up with for the food. Now I think it’s just a wonderful schtick from another place and another era — a welcome anachronism in a blue collar neighborhood undergoing a lot of change with the addition of Le Pigeon, Biwa, Simpatica, and Noble Rot.
And if you can’t handle the schtick, get the food to go, because they make some great sandwiches.
More Photos from Michael’s
Discuss Michael’s Italian Beef at PortlandFood.org
Admittedly, I haven’t explored the entire menu. I’ve eaten there plenty, but I just can’t move beyond a few specialties. When I go, the be-all, end-all is the Italian beef. The Chicago classic is made by moist-roasting beef in a garlicky broth, then thinly slicing the tender roast and letting it soak in the warm jus until stuffed in a roll. Michael’s gives you the option to add raw or sauteed onions, sauteed peppers, pepperoncinis, or their house-made spicy giardenara of carrots, celery, onions, and jalapenos. The giardenara is the way to go, the spicy and tangy mix of vegetables balancing the luscious, meaty beef. If you like to gild the lily, you can get your sandwich dipped in the gravy, so that the bread is dripping with the flavorful liquid. A whole beef sandwich, probably 8 inches, is only $7.65 and feels near a half pound of filling. The half is only $3.95.
You can stop there, never move onto another sandwich, and I wouldn’t blame you. It’s very good. However, the house-made Italian sweet, pork sausage, another classic of the Italian beef shops in Chicago, is worth serious consideration. And luckily, you don’t have to choose between it and the beef. The sandwich I get most often is the combo, part sausage, part beef — wet, ie, dipped — with the spicy giardenara. (See photo at the beginning of this report.) Get it with some acceptable chili cheese fries. It’s the type of excess that makes a supersized Big Mac meal look pedestrian and proves that Americans knew how to amass calories long before the fast food chains. The sausage by itself is $7.30 for a whole, $3.75 for a half. The combo is $8.95 for a whole, $4.65 for a half. The chili cheese fries are $4.55.
Meatball Sandwich Pizza Style
Their basic meatball sandwich comes with peppers or onions, but no sauce. I recommend going pizza style, which adds a layer of provolone and smothers everything in marinara for a very reasonable 60 cents. You can actually make anything pizza style, but I’d hope they’d at least snear at you if you got the beef with tomato sauce. The meatballs are tender and a little bland, but taste homemade. The marinara doesn’t have much going on either, but again is enjoyable enough and not ruined by excessive sugar, salt, or herbs. The meatball is $7.30 for a whole, $3.75 for a half. But spend the 60 cents. You’ll thank me later.
I do wish they could find a better bread. They use a long roll from Portland French Bakery and cut to order. It has a very slight crackle to the crust, enough density to hold up to the heavy and moist meats, but no chew and little, if any, flavor to the crumb. It’s comparable to the Amoroso rolls out of Philadelphia, commonly used for cheesesteaks, and sold nationally, or the various rolls from banh mi joints like Best Bagette and An Xuyen. I won’t claim, though, that you’d do better in Chicago for bread.
The menu includes items like “chicken italiano” — a baked breast of chicken in lemon sesame gravy — or “gourmet breaded jumbo shrimp sandwich” — which sounds a lot like a po’boy –, but I haven’t tried either. Sorry, I’m lax in my duties to you folks, but I just can’t cheat on my true love, the Italian beef. They even have a couple cold subs, both veggie (blasphemy in this temple of meat). Nope, haven’t tried them either.
Chicago Style Hot Dog
I have tried the Chicago dog. They put a 1/4 lb kosher frank on a wonder-soft bun and top it with the works: mustard, relish, pickle, onions, tomato, and whichever peppers you want for $4.25. It’s a tasty dog and in some ways more and in some ways less authentic than Portland competitors, such as Wayne’s, Superdog, and Dog House. The bun practically dissolves under the weight of the toppings, just as it does at Weiner Circle in Chicagoland. But there are no poppy seeds, like at Wayne’s, no neon green relish or sport peppers, like Superdog, and no celery salt like Dog House. But it’s still a good dog and should satisfy the homesick Chicagoan well enough.
If you can stomach the schtick and aren’t suffering from heart disease or high cholesterol, stop on in and stuff your belly. It’s not trendy. It’s not new. But Michael’s serves a unique and delicious set of sandwiches that capture the soul of the City of Broad Shoulders. Bonus: they’re open til 9pm, late for most sandwich shops.
Michael’s Italian Beef & Sausage Co.
1111 SE Sandy Blvd
Portland, OR 97214
503.230.1899
http://www.michaelsitalianbeef.com
Open Lunch & Dinner Monday thru Saturday
** For those who don’t know, I am one of the owners of Kenny & Zuke’s Delicatessen. Many may see Michael’s as my competitor and be suspicious of my review of it and any other sandwich shops in Portland. So be it. You’re welcome to take what I say with a grain of salt.
